janelim's Xanga

Missing the inevitable

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:02:32 GMT

V invited me to her bible study group tonight. Between dinner and the start of bible study we had some time to chat about what we value most in life, and it suddenly dawned on me that I actually miss my family more than I thought I have or actually admit. Looking back at pics taken as far back as 2004 or 05, reminded me of all the fun things I've done with my siblings, the joys we had being with one another, and the little fights that we had that made our childhood so memorable. Maybe I should go home in December.

Our bible study was in a simple place of gathering, with a mix of different professionals, mainly postgrad students, lead by a retired orthopaedic surgeon. He really inspires me with his message and fluency with the Word of God. Unlike some wiffly waffly talks that many people do, he went down to the simplest way one can interpret verses. We went through quite a number of verses, but the one that challenges me most is this particular psalm:

Psalm 15
A psalm of David.
¹ LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
       Who may live on your holy hill?
² He whose walk is blameless
       and who does what is righteous,
       who speaks the truth from his heart
³ and has no slander on his tongue,
       who does his neighbor no wrong
       and casts no slur on his fellowman,
⁴ who despises a vile man
       but honors those who fear the LORD,
       who keeps his oath
       even when it hurts,
⁵ who lends his money without usury
       and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
       He who does these things
       will never be shaken.

Can I really make it? Definitely not without the Spirit of God.

P for prayer

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:51:05 GMT

Yes, I have forgotten. P for prayer. How important it is! My colleague called me last night, and we prayed together for another fellow colleague who is also Christian, whom we have been trying to reach out, but somehow she has closed up to everyone else. I thought I was the only one who felt the burden to help her, but now I've found someone else to pray with.

I have to sincerely admit, it is difficult to be a Christian amidst all these chaos. But sometimes coming into my room, and forgetting everything else, and just remembering God is always here- it really helps. Yahweh is.

I hope you will find peace again, my friend, I hope God will be with you as you go to work. I hope God will help me find a way to reach out to you again.

----

On a different note, I seriously need a bigger room! And I hope today will be another great time of learning during on-call.

Thanks for being my friend

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:00:16 GMT

In dedication:
To friends who love me for who I am, To friends who believe in me, To friends who stay by my side through thick and thin, To friends who still keep in touch. Your phone calls, emails and SMSes and of course the visits and meet-ups are greatly appreciated; every single one of them. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS4fB8B7gVE&feature=player_embedded

Thanks for being my friend

There are aplenty one cannot achieve alone

Your existence makes me realise that i am not alone in this journey

There are situations which one cannot take on alone

When you are beside me

You can share the load

and chase away the storm

Thanks for being my friend

Thanks for sharing my pain

My life seems to be more meaningful

Perhaps I am on my own but I do not feel alone

Thanks for being my friend

Thanks for sharing my beautiful dreams

Those touching moments which can bring tears to my eyes;

No one can take them away.

(repeat)

2.28: Your breath on my freezing palm warms me up;

It's like seeing stars through the gaps between dark clouds

(repeat)

Introduction of this song and its translation courtesy to Judy and her friend; ask your friend to forgive me for perfecting the english and changing it slightly to my own liking. Still the meaning remains the same :P

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:18:47 GMT

hmm, for a moment there i forgot what i wanted to blog about tonight. hmmm...

Oh yeah, it has been a fantastic weekend. Nothing can compare to being in the presence of God and the family of God, strengthening each other with His Words. These people are just awesome. Steven Kennedy from Hillsongs Australia, preached a powerful message regarding prayer this morning, the podcast is available in the church website/ iTunes MyNCLC (mp3). I am still trying to adapt to the praise and worship in NCLC though, but I do see its resemblance with the way things work back in Hope Serdang. Sigh, I miss Hope Church, and our IMU CG. I feel we should revive our once-in-a-blue moon mass email, which is usually initiated by either CW or KC. Sadly both of them are working madness hours now, one in Seremban and the other in Glasgow (i think he's still there, but correct me if i'm wrong, fellow CGians, if you're still reading this).

Finally got my iTouch to work again, and this time my bible applications is up and running after such a long long time. I continue to subscribe to Stephen Fry's PODGRAMs, he never fails to amuse and educate me, and am still reading his book on his journey to America. If you have a chance- download his "Bored of the Dance" podcast episode. I literally ROFLOL listening to it. I have to say though, as much as I respect this highly opinionated, intelligent man, I find myself very often disagreeing with him, which isn't all bad, as now I have grown to be proud to not just agree with what everyone says, possibly something that I used to do once upon a time, but have my own opinions too and stand by them.

Bought myself a pair of to-die-for working shoes for an excellent bargain, something to keep me going on a 12 days week. Evelyn, you ARE indeed a bad influence! :P

Looking at my weekly schedule, I am finally adapting to working life, and I see the gaps filled with activities that do not just involve medicine, a balance of work, exercise (yes finally after 3 long months of inactivity), God and friends. Oh we cannot leave out food and cooking and my oh-so-dramatic American dramas!

Fingers crossed next week will be another week of greater learning and helping others. And I cannot wait for the lecture on inotropes. Thank goodness, it's not just me who doesn't understand this topic, the humble SHO doesn't too, or perhaps he is just too humble.

Saturday

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:31:50 GMT

If I were to buy a house, I decided today, I will find one at walking distance or at least close in terms of driving to a supermarket/food market. I miss food shopping- slowly handpicking my favourite fruits as well as ingredients on a Saturday evening. I miss trying to barely make it on time to walk to Village Foodland before it closes on weekends, picking my favourite mushrooms and tomatoes, not to mention my avocadoes that I diligently apply to my sandwiches every single day for lunch at Seymour. And thereafter, I miss coming home and unpacking the stuff, and carefully preparing dinner. The cutting, the chopping, the simmering, the grilling. Even defrosting. Every single motion and steps were done in detail. It was fun cooking for others. An everyday hobby. And that made the savouring of the food even more fun.

What happened to all these? When did I stop enjoying doing all these? My cheese-baked salmon, my char siew, my stir fried veg or herbal soup? Or even my sushi or pan-fried steak? What happened to all of them and more? When did all these become an effort and a heavy task? I definitely cannot remember.

Today the rusty old key was accidentally found, it took a while to jimmy the lock, and the chest was finally unlocked. Food shopping isn't a task to be ticked off from my diary anymore. And cooking.. Mmmm.. The eating, yes, important as it is, is not the priority. It's the process of getting food out of my fridge and scrutinising the good from the bad, and every other detail you read from the recipe book down to serving onto the table. And of course, the company :).. Steamboat, char siew with kon-loh mee and ice cream and sweet and sour chicken.

Life is mundane if you see it as a task, a job to be done, a responsibility. Learn to see it in a way that you will learn or get something out of it, because everyday is special in its own way, and you will surprise yourself what you can discover about yourself, about God and about the world every single day. And oh it does help to look forward to the coming days. Keep yourself occupied with plans- I plan to bake a cake next week.the weekend after next :) And I have several plans for my annual leave, and it should be left undisclosed for now, lest plans changed at the last minute and I do not wish to disappoint the people I am visiting.

P.S.: by the way I am not personally listening to Stand by me, (of course I love the song).. it's played in the Social Bar opposite where I leave at the moment. :P

yay!

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:54:47 GMT

all great things just come together..was googling IMU and here's wad i found..:

http://www.imu.edu.my/download/Convo_Aug_09.pdf

congrats to all my friends!

smilez

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:53:13 GMT

Today.
Today has been the reason
I decided to become a doctor 13 years ago
I studied hard to get into med school
I studied like mad to get through med school
I've gotten out of my comfort zone to a place I once called foreign, now being my second home
I studied even crazier to pass my finals
I moved to an even more foreign town to live on my own
I struggled to adapt to working.
Today.

Today
I helped saved a few patients.
I learnt it is inevitable to make mistakes
I learn to depend on my teammates
I learn that I'm slowly improving
And all this is a long and difficult process
But I also learn that
slowly but surely
I will get there.
Thank you God, for not letting me give up my greatest hope in myself.
Thank you God for today's on-call and for encouraging teammates and encouraging fellow Christian colleagues who build each other up with the Word of God.

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalm 18:2

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:03:47 GMT

I have held the longest breath, and I survived the day with the help of my wonderful reg. It's super nice to work with him, especially that he is so sweet to teach me about managing heart failure patients, one topic which i never grasp properly back in the med school days. I do miss having my SHO around to share our jobs though.. There were one or two hiccups but nothing serious throughout the day, my patients are alright when I got back...... late, and missed my driving lessons.

Went out for dinner in town thereafter and managed to catch the movie "the imaginarium of dr parnassus". I think it was an okay movie, I expected more from it storyline wise, but the movie made up for it with the 4 awesome and charming actors- johnny depp, jude law, colin farrell and the legendary heath ledger as well as with the props. A 6/10 rating.

By the way, I have just realised that my 5year old blog is almost touching 10 000 visitors! Never expected that so soon. And I've also noticed readers as far as Florida to France visiting here. Thank you so much for being such faithful readers. I have now revived my chatterbox so feel free to drop by a message, so I will feel loved :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:27:32 GMT

I hold my breath.. Deep breath. I try not to think about how nice it feels to take a coffee break with my fellow colleagues today. I need to be always on my feet. Be prepared, at all times- the motto of Brownies/Scouts.

CCU. That's how it is. It's such a big leap from AMU. In AMU, I am always prepared, I cant afford not to, I don't have the time to even think of relaxing. In CCU it's different, I have the time to relax, but anything can happen at any time, and in those times I do not want to be complacent.

Tomorrow I will be on my own, as my nice SHO is going away for an important call. I wish him well tomorrow, but I wish myself well too, I hope I will survive on my own, i keep my fingers crossed, and double crossed and hope my patients remain stable, just like today. Let's see what happens tomorrow.

---------

My dreams are shattered- the last tickets of TopGear Live World Tour in Birmingham are all sold out, only just today. The day when I got my leave approved and the day I finally put my mind to buying the tickets. Yes I am very upset. And I cannot express the depth of my sadness and disappointment. Not many of you will understand. Now I do not even have the mood to plan my holidays. Where should I go, what should I do? Perhaps it's a way God is telling me not to get over-obsessed over something which doesn't last.

Something which doesn't last.. That echoes in my head. What does last?

Of Postsecrets and Banksy.. and maybe more..

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:04:32 GMT

"POSTSECRET": Confessions of life, death and God. by Frank Warren.

A couple of years ago, I was introduced to postsecret.blogspot.com by one of my mates who put it up on her blog. Since then, I have been following it, because of its intriguing appeal, and poetic features of some of the secrets posted on colourful postcards. Each are unique on its own, some traumatising and some are just so touching you could cry with the writers.

In my opinion, this is such a great way to express oneself if one cannot tell any one else in this world about his/her secrets. It allows one to channel their feelings towards something good- to help others in similar situations, letting them know that they are not alone facing the same problems, and other times, just to let the writers feel heard, anonymously. It also allows one to openly talk about their feelings or doubts for God, without the feeling that they are being judge by another human being.

Until very recently, Frank Warren the founder of PostSecret, had only posted postcard secrets on his blog. Now he has published his very first book- Confessions of life, death and God, which I intend to browse through as soon as it is released in UK bookstores. So far I have not chanced upon one yet. With such great response to the book, Warren is having plans to make these secrets into bigger stories in films/programmes on tv, and my thoughts are it will sell big to the viewers. Here is someone who thinks like an entrepreuner and uses any opportunitygiven to him for making big money in the entertainment industry, and at the same time helping others out in ways that only the secret holders could tell.

I can't wait to read the book, and I can't wait for more to come from postsecret.blogspot.com.

On a side note, postsecret does remind me of another book, another artist- Banksy. If you live in the UK, you will most likely have heard of him. A talented man, who draws on walls pictures that are controversial and thought provoking, sometimes political, as well as making statues/arts of any sorts in museums, art exhibitions etc. Sometimes if he liked, he would put little statues the size of ur SD card on pavements (so look where ur stepping) as his exhibits. These arts may be so controversial that the authority at times are trying to catch him for what he did. He was even banned in some countries for his "vandalism". However, a smart artist like him do not risk being caught- he remains anonymous to this very day, even though there are speculations that he may come from south of England.

Grab his book in one of the local bookstores, or browse through the net for his very interesting arts/exhibits in America which took place early this year. You will be guaranteed to be entertained. However I may be biased as I am someone who truly appreciates art, and especially am impressed with Banksy's.

Blogging about Banksy being an anonymous figure, makes me think (randomly) of another celebrity- The Stig. Think TopGear and you will think of The Stig- well maybe second to Jeremy Clarkson, but you get the drill. The Stig is the star, the mascot, the hero in Top Gear. He revs up the cars like nobody's business, swerving and maneuvering sports cars, you could drool and swoon over them. He is DEFINITELY NOT Michael Schumacher, which is what BBC wants us to think. Who is he then? I guess we'd never find out. Or perhaps, I do not want to find out. Think about it, sometimes things are meant to be mysterious for the purpose of fun. If he was to be revealed, how then can we watch each episode of TopGear scratching our heads and cracking our minds as to who that fast and skillful Stig is? Oooh boy, have I miss Top Gear since I moved up north! TV-less and with limited internet usage per day, I cannot even watch it on BBC iPlayer! Now that TopGear is making its annual life tour, in London and Birmingham in November, I need to remain calm and think it through before I impulsively buy a ticket down to watch this famous, successful car show of all times!

Dang! All this talk about cars make me wanna pass my driving SOON! To be continued...